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Am I Incel ?

So you think you may be an incel. Firstly, it must be mentioned that the term "incel" is a broad umbrella term that covers all relationships, those concerning both sexes and same sex relationships. So sexual preferences are not important in defining yourself as an incel. However, confusion and uncertainty of your sexuality can be an incel factor for many. There are some sources of sexuality advice and information on our links page.

So, are you incel? well, if you can find satisfying relationships with fair regularity, then the likelihood is that you are not incel. Generally, people who are able to form normal relationships without extreme anxiety/panic/terror are not incel. So if you are in the middle of a six week dry patch, then you are most likely just "single" and you are not an incel. Part of the definition of being incel is the inability to form relationships in the first place.

How easy you find it to make, or be in receipt of, sexual advances, or how easy you find forming meaningful relationships with a "significant other" is a large part of the definition of an incel. Incels are often sexually inexperienced people, sometimes completely inexperienced, and often face irrational levels of fear in potentially sexual and romantic situations. Also, incels can often feel very uncomfortable in social situations generally, So quite often, being an incel can be a side effect of having poor social skills.

There is also another type of incel, the "marcel". The marcel is a person who is stuck in a marriage with little or no affection. The marcel is in an even more difficult situation than the incel, as the marcel already has a significant other, and therefore cannot simply work on forming new relationships with people. Marcels are just as welcome to subscribe for support on the incel list as incels are.

Incels Define "being incel"

Comparison with others is often a popular way to position yourself amongst people, so have a look for any similarities in these incel surveys.

To pull things together a little, here's a summary of incel definitions that was first published on the original involuntary celibacy site, Alana's Involuntary Celibacy Project :


Any of that sound like you? See if you relate to the following stories. Any references to 'the list' mean a mailing list that used to exist.

A 28 year old male
A 25 year old male
A young gay male
A 28 year old straight male
A middle-aged straight female
A young straight male
Another 28 year old straight male
A female student, 'Waiting to be Unzipped'
A 34 year old male
A 26 year old male
A 21 year old female
A 24 year old male
A middle-aged straight male